I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
