Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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