Porn is love you can see.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
