Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
