what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
