Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
