we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?