I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.