You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
even my farts smell like vagina
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder