Texts From Last Night

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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool

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  (920): Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool http://tfl.nu/i9nx
  Replies (10) Good night (934) Bad night (2174)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?

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  (978): so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call? http://tfl.nu/91ao
  Replies (29) Good night (802) Bad night (7666)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

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  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (44) Good night (15554) Bad night (1661)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.

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  (469): I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom. http://tfl.nu/d1jb
  Replies (9) Good night (1009) Bad night (3176)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.

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  (860): Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover. http://tfl.nu/pf8w
  Replies (5) Good night (3361) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week

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  (+44): He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week http://tfl.nu/00sr
  Replies (13) Good night (1392) Bad night (4002)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.

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  (724): Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me. http://tfl.nu/rflf
  Replies (10) Good night (3787) Bad night (1248)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.

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  (412): I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever. http://tfl.nu/25nu
  Replies (6) Good night (1939) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (61): View more from Australia

  You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.

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  (61): You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/yu51
  Replies (3) Good night (1142) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean come on

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  (720): Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off (720): I mean come on http://tfl.nu/0ezx
  Replies (9) Good night (440) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA

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  (563): It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA http://tfl.nu/yp2m
  Replies (6) Good night (342) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.

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  (302): Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help. http://tfl.nu/gayj
  Replies (1) Good night (348) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??

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  (814): What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares?? http://tfl.nu/za5w
  Replies (8) Good night (405) Bad night (1043)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking

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  (805): I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking http://tfl.nu/loyf
  Replies (3) Good night (244) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."

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  (323): She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it." http://tfl.nu/wbyt
  Replies (8) Good night (992) Bad night (295)

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