I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.