I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.