omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
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finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?