My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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