I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp