Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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