If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
