my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
