Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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