You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
