Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
