1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
His nipple licking is glorious
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