We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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