I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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