I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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