Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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