he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
