The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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