you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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