They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize