I hate your face
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
