i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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