is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Watching her eat just hurts me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
