im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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