Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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