do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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