That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
