"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
