he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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