Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
