I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
