He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
