i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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