Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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