the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
