so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
