Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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