tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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