dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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