i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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