There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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