no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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