I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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