i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
