Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
