She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
