ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
