i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
