Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
