where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think I just sharted jello shots
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