sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All the doctor said was why
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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