would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
